Regret

I don't regret much in my life. Truth be told, I can only think of one specific regret and oddly, it isn't even that bad. The quick story is that one time I was supposed to be the designated driver but got sufficiently drunk and could not hold up my end of the bargain. Someone else had to drive us all home that night. I regret this because I feel like I let my friends down (they probably don't remember that instance), and worse than that, I let myself down. I hold myself to a very high standard and usually meet it. Letting myself down is why I have that one regret.

Here's the thing though. Just because I don't have many regrets, it doesn't mean everything in my life is perfect and/or has gone swimmingly. I, like everyone, have made mistakes. There are many things I wish I could go back and do over, or say more clearly, or even have go down in a different way. But the thing is, I don't regret those times. I wouldn't ACTUALLY go back and change those things. I think all of the "regrettable" times I've had in my life aren't actually regrets because they have led me to be who I am and have led me to where I am today. I've learned from all of those experiences and can (and hopefully have) become better because of them. The designated driver incident was a time I let myself down, and didn't learn anything. I knew what I was doing, knew that I shouldn't order another drink, but did anyway. That's why I regret that incident.

But honestly, despite the title of this post, my regrets (or lack there of) are not why I'm writing tonight. I'm writing because of a relatively recent conversation I had with a friend. We were talking about a memory I had and how I wish I had done something as I was leaving that day. Her response was, "that wouldn't change anything [now]." But what she didn't understand is that it's not about changing something. For me, it's about seizing the opportunity and not leaving potential experiences out there and unexperienced. It's not about how things would be different today based on a small change from months or years ago, it's about wouldn't it have been great then if I or we had done that thing.

True or untrue, I think many people regret things that they think if they changed, their current situation would be somehow better or different. As I am not unhappy with my current situation, I don't look back and think about what I could have changed to make now better. This is now, now. Everything that is happening now is happening now. We passed then just now. So live for now.

Sorry... I got thrown off by a particularly relevant Spaceballs quote. But again... My life isn't perfect. I have problems and I will be the first to admit and acknowledge my mistakes. But it's okay. I will be okay. Life will be okay. And the sun will both rise and set tomorrow.

Don't look back and wonder, "what if I had changed things?" Be grateful for now and what you do have. Remember the hard times and grow beyond them.

This whole post is terribly cliche and so I will end with another cliche movie quote:

"Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

j