Time

"Time is on my side. Yes it is." - The Rolling Stones

I recently finally finished Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut and although Vonnegut is one of my favorite authors, I didn't much care for the book.  That being said, I haven't stopped thinking about TIME.  So if the theme of the book has stayed with me for more than a month now, maybe I did like it? Ha. Who knows...

There are a race of beings in the book called Tralfamadorians who can see all of time in the same moment.  They see the future, the past, and the current moment all together but choose to focus on happy/positive moments rather than the sad/hard/destructive moments. All in all....a good sentiment. Focus on the happy times.

The interesting thing is though...this idea...the idea that time exists all at once rather than linearly is not just fiction.  Einstein theorized that time is as real a dimension that exists the same way space does.  THEN (past or future) is as real a thing as HERE or NOW. It can be measured and "navigated to" the same way across the street can be measured as being separate from wherever you're sitting now.  So that's interesting...

I've done a fair amount of reading and watching physicists speak about time in the last month and it's a very interesting concept. If you're at all interested or have any sort of physics-y mindedness to you, i'd recommend you check out some youtube videos by Carlo Rovelli (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6rWqJhDv7M).  In one of his videos, he makes sure to mention that you can't just think of and look at time from a physics standpoint - you have to consider the neurological, psychological, and sociological impacts of it as well.  And that's sort of what i wanted to write about today.  The philosophical and theoretical properties of time.

Both the best and worst thing about physics is that it is agnostic about the practical. It can tell you all about vibrations of particles and how things will act or react, but it doesn't necessarily take into account choice, desire or decisions within the entire system.  It can tell you that when i step, i exert a force, and an opposing force is applied to me. Great. That's important. But at the end of the day...all that happened was i took a step. Haha. My point is this... if time does not exist as a line and always has been and always will be for particles and what not, then that would necessitate a multi verse and infinite realities. Sure...maybe the particles will act one way or another, but did i step this way or that way..? The only way for time to exist eternally is if i stepped BOTH ways.  And my linear human perception of here and now creates the illusion of a singular reality when in fact there are an infinite number.  Cool right?!?

Quantum physics is so physics-y. Everything exists in every state until it is measured.  In this case, the thing doing the measuring is our brains and the what that it's measuring is space time. Weeeee (:

j

p.s Tralfamadorians are tall creatures with eyes on their hands. Kind of like The Pale Man from Guillermo Del Toro's Pan's Labrynth. Movie is so different when you think that The Pale Man could see all of time and knew what would happen.

On Worldstate and Worldview

there is a large part of me that is very cynical. everyone is going around saying the right things and all that but if people always believed what they're protesting about or saying now, why did we ever have a problem? I have to believe that George Floyd's death made some people realize what struggles POC have had and they now want to fight for it, but how long will it last? how long till people go back to their day to day lives and forget Mr. Floyd, BLM, and all that is going on right now? People are so reactionary that I’m scared that any immediate change will eventually be worse for POC, or worse than that, will be used against POC in some way in the future. Specifically, radical changes like abolishing or even defunding the police scare me to that end.  And just to put it out there, that's not to say that I agree with police, what they've become, or how they operate. Change definitely needs to occur on that front.

Coupled with that, the focus has been so much on black people specifically that I worry about other under-represented groups. Not just racially, but socially. LGBTQA for example (it's also pride month). Don't get me wrong... I am an advocate for change, and I am glad people are at least starting to now think about other people's struggles, and I am happy that BLM is now getting traction. A rising tide raises all ships, or whatever. But truth be told, I still don't feel represented or like in the long run the coming change will positively impact all people who have suffered social inequality. But it's hard to help everyone at once. So I get that.

On the subject of race, I have a lot of opinions that come from my very specific experience.  I am a little bit of an anomaly.  I am a descendent of immigrants from Cape Verde, a chain of islands off the coast of Senegal (which is in Africa). My formative years were spent in Fairfield, CT, one of the most affluent (and white) towns in Connecticut. I am, by definition, African American. But the thing is, Cape Verde was a Portuguese colony up until the 70s so calling it an African island is a bit misleading. What it has always felt like is I’m not black, I’m not Portuguese, and I’m certainly not white. Racial identity has always been a struggle for me.

Growing up in predominately white communities, I’ve become very familiar with being the only person of color in a room. It’s hard to say I’m comfortable with it because you never really become comfortable with that kind of thing –  there’s an unspoken expectation of you – but suffice it to say that I’m as comfortable with it as I can be. I’ve learned to “act white” or “talk white” in a way that usually makes me likable to most people in the room.  Indeed, I have been very successful in a “white world.”  But still in the back of my mind, there’s always the questions… did I really succeed? Am I really the best candidate? Is this just affirmative action? I have this memory of when I was applying to college. A rep from Providence College (the college I ended up attending) came to my Prep school and said we have a requirement of a minimum B+ average to attend our school. My GPA was under a B average but I applied anyway as a “stretch school.”  Not only did I get in, but I was offered the Martin Luther King scholarship. How can I say that I actually earned that? How am I supposed to feel anything but the fact that this was affirmative action at work?  Imposter syndrome is real and all I could do is try to live up to the imposter.  I’ve been doing that to this very day.

That’s all a long-winded way of saying I am and have been successful but at what cost? While at PC, I remember a white student who once said, “Jesse is the good kind of black person.”  I’ve been getting shit like that my whole life. Did I sacrifice my blackness to be accepted in white society? Was I even ever really black to begin with? Back in high school I hung out with the one lunch table full of black kids…and I did have corn rows for while…but does that make me black? I’ve always felt outside of the black community, as well as inherently outside of the white community.

Going back to the current world state, I’m glad that people are advocating for change.  The world is unfair and change does need to occur.  But on a personal level, I have never felt connected to the black community. Indeed, I’ve even felt cast out by it for being too “white.” But my skin is brown.  So I’m definitely not a white person either. I am in no way Spanish or Latino so I’ve never fit in there. So where…where do I fit? Again, I am happy that the world is changing, but is it changing enough? Will it ever? How will it improve for people like me? I’m not trying to sound selfish or whatever but I just don’t think my situation will change. And that really leads me down a road of cynicism about the whole movement.

 

Ugh…I could go on about this for pages and pages. But I’m tired of thinking about it.

 

This is fine. Things are fine.

 

Life Goals

Recently I had a conversation with a friend about legacy. We were talking about what you would leave behind after your life and what kind of lasting impact you would have. I posited that given enough time, no one would be remembered.  A bleak outlook, I know, but think about it. Here's a thought experiment.  Come up with a list of the top 100 most influential people of ALL TIME. Good people, and bad people alike can fill this list.  You've obviously got your religious icons (Jesus, Buddha, etc.), your great thinkers (Aristotle, Plato etc.), some great warriors, dictators, and politicians (Hitler, Lincoln, whomever), people in other categories... whatever. Try to come up with 100.

Got it..?

How long did that take you?  Honestly, I even had a hard time coming up with categories and people to put in them.  Could you even finish? How many people were alive within the last 100 years? How many people lived over 1000 years ago? Do you really think there was no one who is as influential to human history more than 2000 years ago? What about the caveman who invented fire? What was his or her name? Even if you were able to come up with a list of 100, a quick google search says that there have been 108,470,690,115 to have ever lived (website). Your list is .00000009% of our species' population.

Granted, I'm not a historian and don't think about things like this much. Also, you could argue that it's not the person's name that is important-- it's their work/idea/invention/ whatever... but I think given enough time, EVERYONE will be forgotten on an individual level.  No one knows WHO invented the wheel, just that it was invented (around 3500 BCE according to google). 

So personal legacy is bogus.  It's a pipe dream. You will eventually be forgotten.  

:) And that's okay. :)

But then, what is there to strive for? Why bother getting out of bed every day? Well...I would imagine there are some people who strive to be in that .00000009%.  That's great. There needs to be. But I am not one of those individuals.

What I want in my life is to make a difference to individuals. I want to help someone NOW. When I die, I want people to say, "Jesse affected me in [this way]." After that, it doesn't matter. If I can make a significant difference in one person's life, I will have been successful. 

I like to think that I have made peoples' lives better in small ways.  And that's why I get up every morning. 

j

Regret

I don't regret much in my life. Truth be told, I can only think of one specific regret and oddly, it isn't even that bad. The quick story is that one time I was supposed to be the designated driver but got sufficiently drunk and could not hold up my end of the bargain. Someone else had to drive us all home that night. I regret this because I feel like I let my friends down (they probably don't remember that instance), and worse than that, I let myself down. I hold myself to a very high standard and usually meet it. Letting myself down is why I have that one regret.

Here's the thing though. Just because I don't have many regrets, it doesn't mean everything in my life is perfect and/or has gone swimmingly. I, like everyone, have made mistakes. There are many things I wish I could go back and do over, or say more clearly, or even have go down in a different way. But the thing is, I don't regret those times. I wouldn't ACTUALLY go back and change those things. I think all of the "regrettable" times I've had in my life aren't actually regrets because they have led me to be who I am and have led me to where I am today. I've learned from all of those experiences and can (and hopefully have) become better because of them. The designated driver incident was a time I let myself down, and didn't learn anything. I knew what I was doing, knew that I shouldn't order another drink, but did anyway. That's why I regret that incident.

But honestly, despite the title of this post, my regrets (or lack there of) are not why I'm writing tonight. I'm writing because of a relatively recent conversation I had with a friend. We were talking about a memory I had and how I wish I had done something as I was leaving that day. Her response was, "that wouldn't change anything [now]." But what she didn't understand is that it's not about changing something. For me, it's about seizing the opportunity and not leaving potential experiences out there and unexperienced. It's not about how things would be different today based on a small change from months or years ago, it's about wouldn't it have been great then if I or we had done that thing.

True or untrue, I think many people regret things that they think if they changed, their current situation would be somehow better or different. As I am not unhappy with my current situation, I don't look back and think about what I could have changed to make now better. This is now, now. Everything that is happening now is happening now. We passed then just now. So live for now.

Sorry... I got thrown off by a particularly relevant Spaceballs quote. But again... My life isn't perfect. I have problems and I will be the first to admit and acknowledge my mistakes. But it's okay. I will be okay. Life will be okay. And the sun will both rise and set tomorrow.

Don't look back and wonder, "what if I had changed things?" Be grateful for now and what you do have. Remember the hard times and grow beyond them.

This whole post is terribly cliche and so I will end with another cliche movie quote:

"Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

j

Where to Go

So I've been thinking a lot recently about where to go from here. All things considered, life is pretty good. I have a stable, secure job where I make a hefty salary that keeps me comfortable, I bought a house a few years ago that is worth almost double what I paid for it, i have a pretty decent group of friends, family is moving to this part of the country and will only be an hour away, and I have fun and travel and do all the things that I want to be doing.  So why this feeling of restlessness?  Why is it that I was seriously considering moving back to the east coast soon?

If I'm being honest, there are 3 main reasons and one over arching reason that I sort of now think is the real answer. First, there's family. More specifically, my grandparents and my niece, Caitlyn.  As they get older, my grandparents are all starting to not do as well both physically and mentally. I would say that of my entire family I'm closest to my paternal grandfather so
this really bothers me. I want to be there with and for them all three of my living grandparents in their final years. So there's that. Then there's Caitlyn, my niece. My FIRST niece. I don't know if I will have more nieces or nephews (or for that matter, kids of my own) but as of right now, I just have the one. I want to be there with her as she grows up. I want her to know who I am and I want to have a relationship with her. As of right now, the last time i saw her, she thought i was a stranger and cried almost instantly when my sister left the room and it was just me and her. The psychology major in me is thinking of Ainsworth's Strange Situation Experiment, but that's for another time.

Secondly, there were my friends that I left behind. This year, there was a rather large incident that echoed through the entire friends group, and I felt this sense of regret that I couldn't be there to help anyone through it. Most of all, it affected 4 close friends, but as I said, the ensuing fallout affected the entire group. I have this strange feeling of obligation towards my friends and although I did what I could for all parties affected (e.g. being there for them emotionally and to talk through the issues), I wasn't actually there FOR anyone.

Lastly, there's the girl. There's always a girl. I constantly think about what could be (or at least could have been). Ultimately, we agreed that it doesn't make sense for us to try to date or whatnot because of the 2000 miles between us, but that doesn't stop me from thinking, "man she would love this" or "can't wait for the next time i'm back her way", and for that matter, having feelings for her (however compartmentalized they may be). As it stands, she's the only person I have a picture of on my desk at work and the only person I talk to every day.  She's also the one person I go out of my way to see every time I've been back East.

The thing about these reasons is that really, they're just excuses. Validations in my head to do something that I really don't need to do.  And like excuses, they're easy to see through or undermine. For instance, my grandparents are only going to live a few more years (probably) and then i'll be in a place that I don't want to be. I want to be there for Caitlyn but I don't need to be. She has parents and other uncles and I can be that uncle that she travels to see in a cool destination city when she's older. My friends are doing fine without me and like most things, they've settled a bit with time (they're still hard but definitely better than they were). I can't move back for a girl when the future is so unsure. Will I still be into her when I get there? Will she be into me? Will one of us be dating someone else? These are questions without answers and I can't let her be the only thing I'm moving back for.

And so I guess there was a fourth reason. Something that is really overarching and is related to me feeling all of these things. As I said in the intro, that thing is restlessness. I feel like my good life has become boring and monotonous. I want to shake things up and do something different. I've been all over the country this year with various people, and that's all well and good and fun, but it's not enough. I have friends, I have a movie theater basement, I have all the things I could want, but I'm so BORED with my life. I felt this same way for a couple years before I left CT, and it's what drove me to move to CO in the first place. I still hold that it was the best decision of my life but I'm starting to feel the same way again. What else is there??? Why is nothing ever enough and why do i always seem to want MORE. Am I just a restless soul who needs constant stimulation and new environments to be happy? I am happy...just restless. I could be happier. Maybe I just need a girlfriend who I don't get bored with in 6 weeks. I don't know. All I know is that I'm glad I finally figured out what is REALLY going on. The first step is admitting and identifying the a problem, right? Sigh. Step one...check

j

New Place and Pair Bonding

It's been a while internet. Last time I posted I was not a HOMEOWNER. This time, I most certainly am and let me tell you something, it's been a helluva ride already.

I closed on a three story townhome on Jan 14, 2015. It's got 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, two living rooms, a front and back patio, and a detached one car garage. It's humungo to the point where I still don't have any furniture on the bottom floor, haha. I bought something this big for two reasons. First of all, the price per square foot for real estate in Colorado is astronomically low, at least in comparison to CT. It's a matter of public record so i don't mind telling you that I paid $179,000 for 1916 sqft which translates to a mere $93.42 per sqft. By comparison, some friends in CT bought 1491 sqft for $270,000 ($181.08/sqft). Almost DOUBLE for less space! As far as cost of living is concerned, you should stop what you're doing and move to Colorado. It won't be as easy to find a single family home as the market for those is hot hot hot, but what you do find will still be cheaper than the northeast.

Secondly, before I bought, everyone told me to buy something that I could grow into. At the time I was looking, I was about to turn thirty and was dating a great girl. The advice, coupled with those two other factors got me thinking about settling down, starting a family, and making sure that the space I was about to buy would be able to accommodate the potential increase in family size that could be a real possibility in the next five-ish years.

Turns out that the girl and I didn't work out, but that's a completely seperate blog post... The long to short of it is that I didn't feel the same way about her as she felt towards me, and we had fundamentally different views on certain big picture ideals that I felt neither of us should have to compromise. We only dated for six months and I wanted to end it before marriage was the expectation, both from her and from everyone else in our lives. She's a great person and I wish her the best in life and hope that in time, we can be friends.

But this whole scenario leads me to the second major topic of this post. Pair bonding. Relationships.

Before I moved to Colorado in 2013, I was very happy being single. I did things because I wanted to do things and because they were fun. I did things for me. I had a bevy of close friends to experience things with, but i was equally happy to do things alone. I will fully admit that I've always been and probably always will be a romantic, but I was happier to not be tied down with a relationship. And I think in itself, that drives at my point. In the past, a relationship was a burden. Something that you carry with you because of some sort of need for another person. It was a co-dependancy. I didn't want that. I've never wanted that. I still don't want that. But the change has come in the bevy of friends department. Whereas I have friends here in CO, they're not the same kind of friendships that I had in CT. To be sure, every close friendship that I had in CT was in itself, just like a typical romantic relationship. Each was cultivated over time with ups, downs, and all arounds.  There was a history with each person that was something special and was not- could not be replicated with the next person. Indeed I am very lucky to have that in my life.

That being said though. I don't have that here in Colorado. There aren't years of history between my friends and me because at this point in all of our lives, we all have that history with other people. That's not to say that we're not building relationships... It's just that at this point, the relationships that I'm building with others are for the most part, not as deeply rooted. I fully acknowledge and take some responsibility for not putting in the effort to build the deeper kind of relationships, but neither are others. People already have husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, and everything else that comes from a lifetime of living. Which leads me back to pair bonding...

Most people don't have the intricate and deep network of multiple friends that I've built over the course of my life. People have people, but I fully understand and respect how lucky I am. The search for a pair bond is the search for what I've had throughout my teens and twenties. It's the search for one other person to share things with. It's the search for one other person to experience things with. It's the search to interact with someone on a level deeper than how you connect to all the other great people in your life. We're looking for one other person to really live with. I'm glad that I left CT because now that I'm "alone" here in CO, I'm ready to try and find that one person.

Till next time, internet.

j

2 Weeks of Guests

So the last couple weeks have been chock full of fun and adventure.  I've had a ton of visitors, had some positive and potentially promising news at work, started seeing a wonderfully fun girl, and in general, I've just been having an awesome time with life.  The 50 states thing is kind of back burnered for now because the remaining states are mostly all super boring.  I am going to try to get to Alaska and Hawaii before March which will bring me down to 6 remaining states.  As for the rest of them, I'll get there when I get there. Or maybe never. I'm fine with that too. :)

So visitors...

Many of my ultimate friends from CT/NY came to Denver for the Colorado Cup (a big tournament that is important for rankings for the club series).  The tournament was all well and good to watch, but the better part was getting to hang out with people I haven't seen since New Years.  A few of us went on an awesome hike at Brainard lake which is literally in the middle of no where. We were supposed to meet up with some other friends, but when we got to the base, we realized there was absolutely no cell reception.  So the four of us hiked along for a couple hours and took a ton of great shots.  Like this one:

CO is such a beautiful place. :)

Royal Gorge - Arkansas River, CO

View from Mount Evans

When frisbee people left, I had less than 24 hours to reset the apartment for my college roommates who came out for our annual white water rafting trip.  This trip was a very different than a lot of the trips we've been on thus far, but ultimately, a blast. The river was a lot more narrow than typical which makes for a much more technical run.  It's a lot of jutting between rocks and through white water and less sweeping from bank to bank across the river and through the rapids.   Other than that, we went to breweries and up
Mount Evans (peak elevation ~14,200').  We didn't make it up to the top because of a hail storm that we got caught in, but the views along the way were still pretty epic as you can see.

The last two things on this post will be quick...hang in there - almost done!

Work has been good because I was recently called into a meeting in which my boss said to me (and a few other people) that we have been noticed by HER BOSS for our exceptional work and he wants to meet us in order to get a sense of who we are.  So I have a presentation on why I'm so awesome in about 20 minutes.  I'm good at those... :)

Kristine is amazing and silly and a child trapped in an adult's life, just like me. She's a science nerd (works as a pathologist in a hospital detecting cancer on biopsy samples) and loves all the prerequisite things for my affections (e.g old school video games, performing arts (she danced ballet), games, superheroes, etc). She came with us to Mt Evans.  Here's a pic.

I am happy

~j

p.s more pics HERE

Land of Enchantment

Greetings from the land of enchantment, Santa Fe, New Mexico.  I took a little road trip this weekend just to get away.  I started the five and a half hour drive this morning around 9am and reached this sign about three hours later.  Santa Fe was a 2.5 hour hop, skip and jump beyond. As I was driving, I had a lot of thoughts.

First off, I was thinking about the proverbial journey of life. The literal expedition that I set out on this morning made me think a lot about what is more important; is it the journey, or the destination?  I will guess that many people have different answers to that, but for me, it's definitely the journey.  I'm happy traveling.  I'm happy in a car, driving to a new, unexplored location.  I wonder about the many mysteries that the destination holds and revel in all the goings on of getting there.  As I reflect on other trips of my life, I realize this has always been the case.  For instance... the first time I drove cross country, many of the destinations were quite boring.  Take the drive from the Mall of America to Mount Rushmore.  Leaving Minnesota, we got caught in a torrential rain storm and didn't think we'd make it to Rapid City, SD as we had originally intended. We therefore canceled our hotel room in Rapid City, but chose to keep driving, to get as close to it as we could.  The drive was an experience I will never forget. It was one of the first times I had driven in a rainstorm with rains so thick that I couldn't see the front of the car.  There was raucous laughter when one of my companions had to pee so bad (probably a combination of the rain and me, the driver, refusing to stop in it) that she got out of the car, peed on the side of the road, and got back in soaked to the bone, less than 30 seconds later.  And then, ultimately, we made it to Rapid City and tried to get our hotel room back only to find out that it had been sold to someone else.  The only room available at that late hour was the deluxe love suite of a Raddison several miles back.  It had two floors, a heart shaped hot tub, and an open shower.  It was not cheap. Haha... The next morning, after having gotten plenty of sleep for me, I woke everyone up a 8am and made them drive the rest of the way to see the mountain of Presidents.  When we got there, all we could do was say, "Yup. There it is. Take a picture.  Okay got it. Now what?"  It's not that it was a let down...it was just... not nearly as exciting as our pilgrimage from Minnesota.

Cathedral Basilica of St Francis]

I feel very similarly about Santa Fe.  I visited the Chuck Jones gallery today (which I really liked) as well as a few other galleries, an art show, Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi, and a creperie. Woo.  On the drive here, I listened to awesome music, thought about many things (including what I'm writing here), planned future adventures (Garden of the Gods, Pikes Peak, Sand Surfing at Sand Dunes National Park), and all in all, felt a joy I haven't felt since departing from CT nine months ago.  Don't get me wrong...I liked all the things I did in Santa Fe today but simply put, it did not elicit the same blissful satisfaction as just getting up and going.  Apparently, I'm the type of person that likes to go just for the sake of going.  Again, I can see how people would like the destinations more...but that's me.  I want to DO things.  I want to GO places. I want to LIVE because living is a thing worth doing.  This is something that I think a lot of people don't get, and furthermore, don't do.  Which leads me to my second point...

I wonder how strange I am for wanting this lifestyle. 

When I was explaining to my coworkers on Friday about how I was driving 5.5 hours just for the sake of doing it, and with no clear motivation for doing so, they looked at me funny.  Honestly, probably rightfully so. Haha. 

On the way down here, I thought about online dating and writing a profile about myself.  It's not that I want to be dating someone (quite the opposite actually) but it seems the natural thing for a man of my age to be doing.  In fact, at 29, some would say that I should probably be in a relatively serious relationship that will ultimately turn into a lifelong commitment to another person.  Is it strange that I have no desire for that, right now? I mean I want to get married some day but right now, i'm more focused on living my life for me and not being saddled with another person, and/or a ton of new responsibilities.  It's kind of selfish, I know...but what's wrong with that?  Who says I can't do things on my own for now?  To them, I say, why not?  As a fully fledged adult, I will do what I like, when I like, with whomever I like.  For better or for worse, right now, I want to do things on my own.  Is that really such a bad thing?  Do I even care if that's such a bad thing? No.

I have lots of friends and a great deal of people that I love, and that love me.  With the comfort of that in mind, I'm going to live my life.

Thanks,

j

Being Nice

Blah blah... Haven't written in a long time, life is good, loving Colorado, snowboarding, visitors, blah.

I've been thinking about being nice and how people (myself included) are always so suspicious of it. For instance... today I brought a dozen cupcakes in for my team at work. The initial response from most people was "what's the occasion?" which is to say, "why are you being nice?" After the 11th time of saying just because, I was out of cupcakes. One person out of 12 said, "thanks. That was nice of you," before grilling me on my motivations and suspecting me of something sinister. I appreciated that.

In another unprovoked act of kindness, I sent a friend a very small Edible Arrangement. There was a bit of a mixup because I got it sent to her house and there was no one home (obviously because it was the middle of the day) so the delivery guy called her and delivered it to her work— so she knew it was coming before it got to her. That being said, she didn't actually thank me until she received it but that didn't stop her from meanwhile asking me why I sent it. Again, I responded, 'just because' and said I thought she'd appreciate it. She clearly did.

Fast forward to post nap time that evening. The blinky light on my phone alerted me to a new email which happened to be from my EA recipient. "Thanks again...why did you send it?"

A little irked (probably because I had just woken up) I (hopefully) kindly responded that it was just because and there was no ulterior motive. In her defense, the last time we saw each other, we had a personal, and some might say awkward, exchange in which I said if I didn't live on the other side of the country, I would be interested in pursuing a relationship. But I mean come on! I DO live on the other side of the country, I don't want ANY relationship right now, and sending chocolate covered fruit is not a profession of my undying love! I also don't really think these two things linked as we've talked nearly every day since that night in January with absolutely no awkwardness very little mention of that last in person meeting, and of our mutual love for both chocolate and fruit.

Now admittedly, I may not be the best at understanding or realizing when things I do appear to have romantic connotations, but given the fact that I'm 2000 miles away from the recipient, I thought I was safe from this misunderstanding. Apparently not.

But anyway... back to the topic at hand.

Why is it that people are so suspicious of niceness? Is it because it is so seldomly seen in this world? Perhaps it is a subconscious jealousy that they themselves are not being so benevolent. More likely than that, I think, could it be that when most people do nice things, they actually DO have ulterior motives which in turn make them suspicious of other people's niceties? I don't know the answer and can only speculate, but honestly, it's neither here nor there. The fact is this. I am nice because being nice is the right way to be. I am good because being good is, in itself, inherently good and right. I don't donate to charity to get tax breaks (though it is a perk), I don't volunteer so people take notice, and I'm certainly not the way I am because of anything other than the simple fact that I believe it is the right way to be. It just is. If the world would realize and adopt the inherent goodness that I believe is so clearly visible and easily attainable, wouldn't people be so much happier? It's one of the first lessons we learn in life. Be nice.

j

Disney!

So this past weekend I flew to Orlando, FL to meet up with John, Lena, and Dee Palmer, Ryan West, his GF Clover, Ferri and PTK.  Overall it was pretty great. We went to Universal Studios & the newer Harry Potter world on Friday.  I was thoroughly impressed with the scenery and how good the Hpot stuff actually was.  At night we went to Citywalk which is just a bunch of bars right outside universal where I downed way too many margaritas in way too short of a time.  Then we went to another bar where it was buy one get one hurricanes.  Needless to say, I was in pretty high spirits after it all.  Thank goodness for high altitude beer training. Haha

Saturday was Magic Kingdom and it was everything I wanted it to be.  We went on rides, saw characters, went to shows.  It was absolutely incredible.  It's exactly what I wanted my Disney experience to be.  The best two rides at MK were Space Mountain and the Laugh Floor (which is Monsters Inc themed).  Space Mountain is a roller coaster in the mostly dark and the Laugh Floor was an interactive, animated, comedy show that was absolutely hilarious.  We also got giant Pork shanks at the new Gaston's tavern.  I have to say...probably the best pork shank i've ever had.

Sunday we went to Epcot and drank around the world at their countries of the world.  Normally there are 11 countries but because the food and wine festival, there were more than double that many.  A lot of debauchery ensued.  Before all that though, we went on two of the best rides of the weekend.  The new and improved test track is INCREDIBLE.  John and I designed a car and the ride was based on the specs of the car we built.  Needless to say our car DOMINATED in the amount of power it had and was the highest scoring car amongst our friends.  Plus...it looked badass.  Also, a few years ago, Epcot brought back Captain EO.  It's a michael jackson themed 3D sci fi adventure movie that any true MJ fan would love.  Seriously...it was like they made that ride for me. haha

Monday was a nice relaxing day at Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM).  Rockin Rollercoaster was cool (another mostly in the dark coaster) and Star Tours, the star wars themed ride, had the best 3d of the weekend. Hollywood studios was a good last day because by then, I was kind of rided-out.

It was nice to see people from the east coast and go on vacation.  Now it's back to the grind.

Some pictures HERE and on Dee's facebook page.

Till next time,

j

14,232'

Happy Sunday all. Hope everyone had a good week.

Let's start with the boring stuff. FIrst of all, work has been better.  I maneuvered myself into a position where I do much more programming than mind numbing data analysis.  Thank god for that. Also, as expected, paychecks are nice.

Okay. Enough of that.  On to the good stuff.

Ronnie, my sophomore year college roommate came to visit on Wednesday. I pointed him the direction of a lot of great hiking while I was at work, and then afterwards, we rocked the town. :-p  Okay not really.  Really what we did was watch a lot Breaking Bad and drink a lot of beer. Haha.

Avery brewing company and their tasting room is pretty awesome. They've got a bunch of different kinds of beers including a pretty interesting sour apple beer.  Apparently sour beers are the next big thing.  I find them...I don't know...sour. haha.  If you like that, then try them out.  A bunch of craft breweries have them now and some of them are not bad.  Not really my thing yet, but to each their own.

We also went to Mount Evans which has the highest paved road in the country.  The summit is, you guessed it, at 14,232 feet above sea level.  To get to it, you start at the base (which is at a measly 7,300 feet) and drive up switchback after switchback to the summit.  There are a couple stops along the way for pictures, but mostly, it's just narrow winding roads with no guard rails and an ever increasing drop off that doesn't fail to put the fear of mortality into you.

I hiked a bit at about 12,000 feet (which is also the height from which I sky dived back in CT) and let me tell you, that thin air makes you TIRED.  I only did about a half mile and i was more than just a little winded. Haha.

By the time we got up to 14k, you could feel the effects of the thinner air.  I was a little light headed and the muscles were definitely working hard.  The only way to get to the actual top is to park at about 13.7k and hike up the rest of the way.  I'll tell you what though, it's completely worth it.  The views were incredible.

Check out all the pictures HERE

j

One week down, 51 to go

So I finished my first week of work this week and I can say with utmost certainty that it is by far the absolute most boring job I've ever done in my entire life.  I'm in the data analysis field as a "business analyst."  Roughly what that means is that I extract information from a spreadsheet, plug it into a plethora of different programs, then put some new information into the spreadsheet. It is so so so so so repetitive... I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it another 51 weeks to fulfill my contract.

On the plus side of the job-- flex hours. I can go in anywhere from 6-9am and be done 8 hours after that. THat means I can be done as early as 2pm which gives me the rest of the afternoon to do whatever. I've been going in between 7 and 7:30 and getting out between 3 and 3:30.  Pretty good I'd say.  The other nice thing about it is that it's not a job that I take home with me. After I leave the campus, I don't have to think about it until I return for another mind numbing session the next day.

Also in the positive column is going to be income.  It's nice to not be burning through savings with no sort of replenishment. First paycheck is next Friday.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand....what else. The people are nice. One lives right down the street from me so we'll start carpooling which'll save money. So yeah...trying to stay positive. haha

In other, much more exciting, news, Bent was here last week and half of this week.  It was great to host a bunch of people and do stuff before work started, and then, after work.  We did some good hiking at Eldorado State Park, went to brew pubs and different kinds of restaurants, and I watched them play a lot of the tournament until it got rained out.  It was nice to see some of my favorite ladies and make some new friends. :)  Kept me sane. Haha.  Don't know what I'm going to do next week...  Check out some of the pictures of the hike on my google+ page HERE.  Till next time,

j

so many things to say...

First of all...right after i wrote that last post, I got a job! Level 3 called me and offered me a position on a team that tracks their rental inventory. If for absolutely no other reason, I'm pretty pumped about it because I was getting bored sitting around at home doing nothing. Haha.  Income is a beautiful thing though.

As a signing bonus to myself, I went out and bought a TV, stand,  and a sound bar.  The apartment is pretty damn sweet at this point.  A few more things and it'll be completely decked out.  At this point, I mostly just need things on the walls. Oh yeah...and cable. That would help on the entertainment front. RIght now, it's a giant computer monitor and something to watch movies on.  To be honest, I might be happy with it being just that...

In other news, I went hiking today.  Drove up to Boulder to scope out the flatirons where I plan on taking the five Bent ladies who are coming out to Denver early.  I wanted to make sure that 1. I could get there without getting lost (I got lost) and 2. that it was actually a doable section of the flatirons.  The nice part about this stretch is that there are a ton of intersecting trails, so we can make the hike as long or as short as we want.  It started to rain though so I didn't get as much in as I would have liked. Fortunately I'll be there again on Friday.  :) Anyway, I'll leave you with one of the pictures I took while on the hike.

j

the goings on

Sorry it's been a while. Nothing too exciting to report.  This past weekend, a bunch of east coasters were in town for various things. Andy/Kendra/Sierra/Brett came out for a wedding, and the New York Masters men and women came out for masters nationals.  It was good to see everyone.

On Sunday, A&K et al and I went to a Rockies game. Good seats behind the third base line.  I haven't been to a baseball game in quite a few years so it was a really good time.  Plus the Rockies won.  Maybe I'll adopt them as my baseball team.  Only problem is baseball is boring. haha


Last week Thursday I had a phone interview with an oil company.  It went very well but inside sources tell me that they may have filled the position before they even interviewed me and were just interviewing me as a gesture.  Oh well. It was good practice.  This Tuesday I had an interview with a company called Level 3. It went very well and seems very promising. I'll know more in a few days. I find it interesting that getting a business-y job is easier for me than getting a restaurant job seems to be.  I've filled out a few applications for restaurants and have heard absolutely nothing from any of them. Oh well.

Next weekend Bent and PoNY are coming out for another tournament. It'll be good to see more east coast friends, especially because I missed them at Wildwood.

Till next time,
j

This weekend i was a loser...

So I picked up with a team for a tournament this weekend and as it turns out, we were all losers. Seriously. We lost every game. It was awful. Haha. This is where typically I'd insert the obligatory, "Well someone had to lose" line, but wow. It was a tough weekend. There was no individual problem-- and many people on the team had talent... but we just couldn't put it together. On an individual level...i played fine. Not great. Not terribly. Just fine.

There were a couple high notes to the weekend though. First of all...look at the picture of where I played. I mean c'mon. How you could you not have a good time in a location like that.  Secondly, once again...I met some decent people. I also met some douchebags. haha. I believe you'll find them throughout the world so no real surprise there. But yeah. Some cool people. I also met up with Trent, a local ultimate organizer, who clued me in to a bunch of stuff coming up. There are a bunch of hat tournaments, for starters, and a "beach" tournament on the sand dunes.  That's super exciting and I'm going to try to put a team together to play in that. I also want to try and see if I can sand surf while I'm out there. It sounds like an awesome time.

I also met up with Aneliya, a girl I knew in high school. She had a low key party where I got to sit and get to know some people. A worthwhile time. She's going to be away for a bit but when she returns, she's moving to Denver (she currently lives 45 minutes away in boulder). .This is a good thing since she'll be able to show me more stuff when she moves closer.

But yeah...that's pretty much it. Applied for a few jobs this past week. Haven't heard back from any yet. Gonna keep on that track this week...

OH. At Aneliya's party, I met a girl who works for a company that is trying to raise educational awareness and they are looking for people to help them.  Pays $10/hr. That'll be good while I have nothing else going on.

Till next time,

j

The Apartment...and life as is

Okay so it's been a while.  Sorry.  I've been setting up the apartment and putting furniture together and the likes. It's coming out pretty well. Here are pics of the bedroom, kitchen, and living room.  You saw the dining room table already.

 

I don't have too much stuff on the walls yet.  I want to fill it up with pictures of new adventures rather than living in the past. That's what this is all about right? New adventures..?  That being said...i did put up a few pictures (and will probably put up a few more) of some of the greatest people anyone is bound to meet.\ Speaking of awesome people...there's this picture from the going away party if you haven't seen it.

Can't believe i left all that behind. Oh well. Upwards and onwards I guess.

That being said, I started job hunting this week. Went on one interview so far.  Definitely not my best interview but we'll still hope for the best. I don't want to take a desk job but I'll probably end up doing that just so I have an income. I'll look for part time work in the restaurant business. I don't know...I'll figure something out.

That's it for now. Hope all is well,

j

Craigslist is Awesome

Yesterday I bought an awesome dining room table and chairs off of Craigslist for $40. It even has a leaf to make it into a full table if I want to.  Overall, a pretty awesome buy.

Craigslist can be a pain because there is so  much on there, but i'll tell you what. You find gems...

One thing about moving to CO without knowing anybody though is that there's no one to help you move stuff in.  That's a large part of why I haven't bought a couch yet.  The table was hard enough to get up the stairs...a full couch would be impossible. Thus, I will buy new and have it delivered. As soon as I have an extra thousand dollars, that is.

In other news, I went to pickup ultimate yesterday and met some cool people. The level of play was frustratingly low, but it's an easy price to pay for meeting cool people. Some of them do improv as well and I might get into that.  I also met this other guy who has a good friend who owns a couple Red Robins a few towns a way.  Do I smell a job brewing???

Anyway...I'm sure most people want to see pictures of mountains, or flowing streams, or me doing crazy things at 10,000+ feet.  Sorry, but I haven't done any of that yet. All I've been doing is watching movies and setting up house.  There's been a bit of going to the gym (here in my building) and ultimate, but we're just not there quite yet.

Soon kiddies...soon.

j

A New Apartment

So I'm finally in to my new apartment. Brian and I got in on Monday, I signed the lease, got the keys, then went and booked a hotel room. Haha.  Funny how not having any furniture makes an apartment effectively  useless...

The apartment is smaller than the model home that they showed me which is pretty annoying.  Still a good size and worth the money but yeah...I feel a bit cheated as far as that's concerned. The central air is nice though...

So Tuesday and Wednesday I went out and bought a bunch of things. Right now I have a bed, dresser, full kitchen, and bathroom essentials.  The living room and dining room are still completely empty.  Oh well...one step at a time.

Burning through cash on large purchases is not a good feeling.  I'm going to up the time table of getting a job.  I am working for SMI still but they're making me go through a whole approval process before I do any work. I guess that's not too surprising but kind of a pain.

Anyway, living alone is cool so far.  I think i'm going to like it.  One goal will be to not become an alcoholic.  It'd be easy to sit here and drink and set things up all day...but that's not exactly productive (in the right way). Gotta get out there and see the world (and get a job).

Pictures of the apartment to come, once it's a little more set up and cleaned up.

j

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life

Morning All,

It's 7:30 something here in Abilene, KS.  I haven't quite made it to Denver yet but will be getting there soon enough. The goal is by 3pm mountain time (5pm EST). So by the time you get out of work, I will hopefully be signing a lease and sitting in my furnitureless new apartment!  Today is a big day. :)

The trip so far has been good. Barely any traffic and pretty decent weather. A few times it has rained so hard that you couldn't see the front of the car, but those storms usually lasted 10 minutes or less. Not really a big deal.

So far I've stopped in Columbus, OH, Louisville, KY, O'Fallon, IL, and now, Abilene, KS.  The only thing to report about Columbus is that gas was only 3.17 per gallon (wow!).  Other than that, we didn't see much of it and it was kind of boring.  Sorry LD, your city gets a 3/10 stars.

On the way out of Columbus, we drove through Cincinnati which seemed like a pretty cool city.  Lots of cool architecture (from the highway).  I wanted to stop and get some chili but first of all, it was 10am and secondly, Bryan didn't pick up his phone in time to tell me where to go. Oh well.

Louisville was a good time. I didn't do too much there besides see my cousin AJ and meet his 2.5 year old daughter Abigail.  She's incredibly cute.

AJ is going through a rough time right now but overall seems to be doing alright. He's happy with his daughter and was in high spirits when I saw him.  It was good to reconnect with my long lost cousin (it's probably been a decade) and his daughter.

After Louisville it was on to O'Fallon, IL to see my uncle and his family.  They made some incredible St Louis style ribs.  After several plates of ribs and more beer than i should have had (try the new 6.0% black crown), I went to bed fat and happy.

Upwards and onwards to the Arch in St Louis.  It's pretty freaking huge.  It's pretty impossible to get the whole thing in one picture from anywhere near it, but Brian got a good shot from the highway.

After St Louis, it was on to Kansas City.  Let me tell you...driving through Missouri is pretty damn boring.  If we hadn't stopped off to fuel up, and gotten a little lost off the highway, we never would have found these two guys!

1.21 gigawatts?!?!

Giant gorilla in front 

of an Adult Novelty store.

Andy would have loved them both...

After that, we stopped in Kansas City to get some of the barbecue that I had heard so much about.  Unfortunately, Monty wasn't around so we didn't get to see him but let me tell you what, the pulled pork sandwich that I got might have been the best I have ever had. Jack Stack Barbecue (jackstackbbq.com) ships nationwide, and honestly, I may order it when I get to Denver if their bbq isn't up to snuff.

Like i said, now we're in Abilene, KS.  There's not much here to do but drink so alcohol is super cheap.  Last night I got a $4 liter.  Yum.

So yeah...that's been the trip so far. Like I said...Denver a little later today.  

I miss everyone terribly and can't wait to see a lot of people in late July and early August.  Till next time,

j

Adventure Log- Day 1

There's something incredibly...grounding, about packing up everything you own into your car as you prepare to move across the entire country.  At the same time, it's also very surreal. I say grounding because seeing everything that you own in one 100 cubic foot space makes you think, "this is it...this is everything. this is me (right now)."  I found myself thinking that if i was to get in a car accident or spontaneously combust, there'd be no physical evidence that I ever even existed.  Is that true? who knows.  It's what I started off thinking this morning.

Then I started thinking about money.  If I evaporated right now, what about all the money I have? What about all the bills I have.  I'm not thinking about these things specifically...more in a general sense.  That's something I own that's not in the car.  These thoughts didn't last long.

I found myself thinking about all the intangible things in my life.  Friends, family, enemies...relationships in general. That's who I am more so than all of the things in my car.  It's cliche but the lives I've touched mean more to me than anything in my car.  It's just funny that all my possessions are really what are right there, physically with me, and the people are not.  But they are.  I know they are. They know they are. They're all very supportive and have wished me luck (or not).  I'm not dying.  Life goes on.  "Life, uh...life will find a way."  Everything will still be here and, furthermore, there with me the entire time.

But enough esoteric babble. That's not what's important (or is it?).

I started this blog because people seem to want to know what goes on with me.  I'm interesting I guess (who knew). Over time, there'll be pictures and perhaps videos of my journey to and life in Denver, CO.  If not here, you can check out my google+ page.  Sorry...I'm still not getting a facebook.  If you're curious about something, just ask. I'm pretty much an open book.

So  here's the itinerary for the next couple days.

Today (Wednesday 6/26):
Work for 5 more hours
Drive to Cape Cod to see grandparents before i go
Sleep

Tomorrow (Thursday 6/27)
Pick up Brian so he can drive out with me
Go to Grand Prix NY with Cat & Brian for one last day of northeast fun

Friday 6/28
Start driving west. The goal is to get to Columbus, OH.

Saturday 6/29
Louisville, KY to see my cousin and his baby daughter who I've never met
O'Fallon, IL to see my uncle who I rarely see.

Sunday 6/30
Get to somewhere in Kansas

Monday 7/1:
Denver, CO.

Future:
Live.

Till next time,

j